The secret to successful discipline- Meet your child where their brain is at
in the present moment
By Karen Braveheart
Why? Because the subconscious part of your child’s brain, which governs 95% of all adult behavior, speaks the language of EMOTIONS!
How did I learn that emotional connection with your child is critical for their subconscious brain?
My mom would never let me connect with her in the present. Like ever
Mom, will you play with me?
Mom, can I watch TV with you?
Mom, can I cook with you?
Mom, why are you always gardening and not spending time with me?
Mom, why do you come to my ballet recital which you made me do that I hate and not my tennis match which I love?
Mom, why didn’t you ever visit me at college?
Mom, why don’t you play Barbies with me?
Mom, why didn’t you come to the playground with me and Nancy
Mom, why don’t you tell me about your life. Who are you?
Mom, why don’t you play with me?
Mom, how come Dad comes and says good night, but you never do
Mom, do you know what my favorite toy is? It’s my Raggedy Ann doll
Mom, why did you throw out all my toys when I was at school. My Raggedy Ann doll is gone forever
Mom, I love trying on all your custom made old Hollywood dresses. Why did you throw them out when I was at school?
Mom, why did you put my dog down and not tell me?
Mom, we went ice skating, but I have no memories of you ice skating with me
Mom, we went Jones beach, but you never wanted to play with me in the water
Mom, why don't you hug me
Mom, why don’t you share anything with me?
Mom, am I bothering you? Like all the time
Mom, why don’t you tell me you love me?
Mom- you loved going shopping for clothes. I tagged along just to spend time with you
Mom, I loved doing your hair when you got older. I saw how happy it made you
Mom, why do you only care about me when I’m doing what you want?
Mom, do you know what I want?
Mom, do you know what I like?
Mom, do you know what I love?
Mom, why don’t you care?
Mom- why did you become a mom?
Mom, why don’t you ever connect with me?
I’m right here
Why can't you see me?
I give up
I’ll always love you because you’re my mom
I feel unworthy of receiving love. ~says my subconscious brain
Why does love cause hurt, pain, and suffering? ~says my subconscious brain
My mom, my sis (on her lap) and me. The only photo I have of her touching me
Successful discipline is about connection. Start with a hug. End with a hug.
Sophia at 12 months and me
This experience with my mom taught me how important it is for a parent to connect in love with their child.
I never connected with her in the present moment. The present moment is where love flows between two people, especially between a parent and their child.
Ever notice how carefree and playful your child is? (Alex- write in bigger font) It’s because their brain lives in the present moment and is wired to connect emotionally.
"Your child’s brain is 💯 in the present"
Children don’t develop logic and reasoning skills until around age 7, give or take.
By the age of five, 90% of their subconscious brain which houses self worth beliefs have already been formed!
But most parents try to relate to their kids logically. Connection fails 💯 of the time because you and your kid are on two different planets.
The first step in disciplining your child with self worth is to meet them where their brain is at: emotional connection in the present moment.
With every single interaction.
This is the secret to successful discipline!
Learn how to meet your kid in the present moment
To learn how to meet your kid in the present, I invite you to read the first section of my eBook called “Align”.
True story of the disconnect between a mom and her son when she tries to discipline him with logic
I came out of a movie recently and walked by an outdoor sitting area. I noticed the cutest boy who must have been around 3 sitting on top of a couch and his mother next to him getting madder and madder at him telling him to get down.
The dad was sitting on the couch opposite them lovingly and silently supporting the mother of his child. He didn't seem to know how to best help.
As his mother’s voice got louder and louder, he started crying louder and louder. He started moving away from his mom who then grabbed trying to pull him close to her. She was visibly getting frustrated with him and then started talking to him in Russian..
Her son then went into full tantrum mode, and she started to get flustered. I knew exactly how they were feeling and offered my help.
I politely introduced myself and said I have 3 kids and that I’ve been in her shoes before. I asked her if she wanted my advice about how I figured out how to get my toddlers to listen.
She said yes. I said that it’s simple You just need to learn his brain’s love language. She was speaking to him logically and he wanted emotional connection. She was yelling at him to get down- that he was going to get hurt and was raising her voice even more because he was being disrespectful and not listening to her. Makes total sense!!!!
What was Missing was the love. The emotional connection. I asked her when she’s upset, how does she like her husband to interact and comfort her. Would you she like it if he talked to her in an authoritative tone, using logic, and was grabbing her arm and pulling on it?
She laughed and was like no way! So, why treat your toddler any differently?
I said the magic is that she has to 100% relate to him emotionally. He has to feel her love. Start with a hug I said. He doesn’t speak in logic at age 3.
What happened next was magical and so unexpected!
I saw him from the corner of my eye look at me so intently. He stopped pulling away from his mother and sat up and stopped screaming. He then looked at his mom with the sweetest eyes. He yearned to connect with her emotionally and I could feel it.
I told the mom. Start with a hug and always end with a hug. She released her grasp of his arm and leaned in toward him to give him a hug and he leapt into her arms.
She hugged him so tightly and then looked up at me. I was so happy for them.
And the dad look so relieved. He couldn’t stop thanking me.
If only parents were taught this! It would help turn so many stressful situations into moments of connection and peace.
That’s why Prodigi Kids exists. To share with you how to teach your child to love themselves unconditionally.
And I knew exactly how he felt in that moment to receive a hug from his mom, how he felt the love and connection from her.
How do I get your kid to listen to you and respect what you’re saying? Connection with where their brain is at! You’ll find more examples of everyday interactions on how this plays out in the kid tips section of this blog.
Kid not listening?!
Here are some tips
- Create a love bridge between your heart and your child’s. A love bridge is one of unconditional love where there’s a free flow of peaceful energy between you and your loved one Be fully present with them. No phones. No tv. No conversation with. Anyone else. Kids can tell if you’re into it or not
- Ask your child if you can hug them when they’re most upset. They may say no at first but it’s likely what they want most
- Your child’s brain registers emotional connection and your conditional love as strong brain neuron connections of self worth. Aka your child how it makes them feel when you create love Bridges with them. When you hug them instead of lashing out at them when they’re most upset. They’ll likely say good. This is brain speak for I’m creating neurons in my subconscious brain that I’m lovable and WORTHY of receiving love
- Read our blog on consequences
- Read our blog on teachable moments
- Buy our purpose driven products designed to connect you and your little in more loving moments, the building blocks of self worth
- Read our eBook, a comprehensive guidebook on how to raise your kids with self worth! It’s free for a limited time
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Table of Contents
1. How did I learn that emotional connection with your child is critical for their subconscious brain?
4. True story of the disconnect between a mom and her son when she tries to discipline him with logic
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About the Author Karen Braveheart, CEO
Karen Braveheart is an attorney turned entrepreneur and mom of three who deeply cares about making the world a happier place by changing how we raise our children. Learn more