How to teach our children persistence
It’s a beautiful journey to be on together.
It’s a beautiful journey to be on together.
Persistence is something that we cannot give to our children. It is something which must come from inside them. But, we as parents can support them in the right ways to keep going without stepping in to help them. It’s an important balance, but a necessary one. As my kids have gotten older, if they want something-whether it’s a food in the fridge or a toy on the floor and they ask me to get it for them, I never do. This may sound mean; but i want them to know the feeling of wanting something, taking responsibility, and getting off their butt to get it for themselves. If they want to mail a letter, they must address it. If they don't’ know how, they they must ask for help -only after trying to figure it out themselves first. I tell them I will only help you if you help yourself first. My help will only come from a place of genuineness only if I see them genuinely working hard themselves. They know when to ask for help if they are unable to complete something on their own- which is different. The things I teach them as age appropriate. My job is not to frustrate them. My job is to support them through their own frustration, teach them healthy ways to manage it (toys don’t get thrown- a brother doesn't get punched…) and allow them the space to struggle. The key to success is in the struggle. If I come in to rescue them at the wrong time or do it for them, what am I teaching them? Believe me, this isn’t always easy- esp. W 3 kids. Sometimes, I am so tired- and just want to not deal with their whining and complaints while they are struggling or sometimes I just don’t want to teach them in that moment. It’s hard. But, I think about the disserve that I would be doing them if I didn’t let them struggle. And, guess what. When they struggle through something and then achieve it, the look on their face is priceless. They come to realize that they accomplished what they wanted to all by themselves. No one else. They did it. And the next time they have to struggle, they know it’s a healthy process and it’s something that they can overcome again and again, b/c they did it with me in a safe environment. They also see me struggling at times with my startup. They see me persist. So, I am modeling for them my own struggles. I will tell them stories at the dinner table of things that happened to me - in an age appropriate way and tell it in a real way what’s going on and how I feel about it. They see struggle as a natural part of life and then see my successes as well. It’s a beautiful journey to be on together.
